


Big Boys Don't Cry

by Pumapawsnclaws



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3, Fallout 4, Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Accidental Incest, Affairs, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bears, Brotherhood of Steel (Fallout), Capital Wasteland (Fallout), Cats, Character Death, Child Death, Children, Commonwealth (Fallout), Deathclaws, Depression, Dogs, Emotions, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fear, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Loneliness, Love, Marriage, Minutemen (Fallout) - Freeform, Mojave Wasteland (Fallout), NCR | New California Republic, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Sexual Content, Smoking, Smut, Suicide, The Citadel (Fallout), The Divide (Fallout), The Prydwen (Fallout), Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence, Yao Guai, slow burn(?)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-04 11:56:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pumapawsnclaws/pseuds/Pumapawsnclaws
Summary: When a Brotherhood Scribe and an NCR Ranger fall in love and conceive a child on accident out in the Mojave Wasteland, nobody would've expected the life of their child - Autumn Wolfe - to be quite a journey. My Fanfiction, Big Boys Don't Cry. follows the life of Autumn, a defiant, risk-taking young woman as she grows up within the safety of the Citadel's walls alongside another young Brotherhood-raised child, Arthur Maxson. Both born in 2267 and raised in the same place, Autumn and Arthur prove to be quite the pair at a young age, even causing some murmurs of potential arranged marriage, until an unfortunate event happens in 2275 which turns Autumn and Arthur's world upside down. Of course, this would not be the first event to mess with them, but it was the first spark out of many to ignite, testing the strength of their bond. So, why don't you follow Autumn as she takes risks, falls in love, becomes a mother, becomes a wife, and most importantly, discovers herself?I will be updating this fic as often as I can, but, I'm a busy college student and my schoolwork ALWAYS comes first.





	1. Don’t Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to the band 10cc and their song "I'm Not In Love" for the name of my fanfiction. I recommend taking a second to listen to that masterpiece; it resembles a future relationship.
> 
> Alexander and Jonathan Wolfe are owned by @a.song.of.blood.and.steel on Instagram. I do NOT own those characters, but they’re essential to the story and I have permission to use them.

** Scribe Winter Fairbanks **

**Mid-April, 2267**

Her mind surged with haunting anxiety as she strode into the desolate trading central known as the Hub. It had been a long walk from the Lost Hills Bunker, but it was well worth it if she had a possibility of seeing him. _Him._ Her insides churned with butterflies as an image of his face flashed within her mind. However, her sudden ecstasy quickly diminished as reality washed over her mind like a jarring Californian wave against the sandy beaches along the coastline. _How could this relationship ever work?_ The young Scribe shook her head as if that was an appropriate method to rid of negative thoughts, but of course, it didn't work.

 _What would they think about us?_ Thoughts raced through her mind as if it was an endless abyss, thoughts echoing off the walls that protected her sanity. The madness ended when she saw his handsome, weathered face peeking out from around the corner ahead. The Scribe paused in her tracks as her emerald eyes met his chocolate eyes.

 _Something's wrong with him_. Her mind was quick to jump to conclusions, analyzing and composing data to come up with plausible explanations for the disorder in his eyes. However, as if called upon command to aid her assumptions, the face of a young boy crept from behind the corner, watching her with wide, curious eyes. Her thoughts eased to a softer pace as a smile cracked across her lips. Jonathan.

Jonathan smiled back awkwardly at the young woman, his head soon to look up at the man next to him, the boy's hands reaching to pull at the rough fabric of his fatigues' sleeve, "Dad." Unsuccessful, he next tried at the bandoleer strap, "Dad? What're we doing here?"

"Your son wants you, Major Wolfe." While Jonathan was attempting to get his father's attention, the scribe had made her way over to them, her now-confident feet stomping to a halt before the two boys.

Wolfe only smiled in response, his armored arm swaddling his young son into a sideways hug as if he was trying to impress the woman before him. With a robust clear of his throat and a readjustment of his beret, the Major spoke, "Well hey, Scribe Fairbanks."

She blushed at her name, her cheeks turning a soft pink as she fluttered her lashes at him, but her face gradually contorted to pout as she remembered her purpose to talk to the Major, "Alex.."

"Winter?" While spoken in a calm demeanor, Alex's voice had an underlying tone of fear and concern. Jonathan only watched as his father conversed with the Brotherhood scribe.

The butterflies returned to her abdomen, her breathing accelerating as her anxious thoughts returned to her like a bird flying home after winter. _What is he going to say?_ Her lip proceeded to jut out more as she succumbed to the dominance of her thoughts, her eyes closing out of the fear of meeting his eyes once more. _Why couldn't this be easier?_

Luckily, the twelve-year-old son of the Major ended the awkward silence with an innocent question, "What's wrong with her?"

Shooting a glare at his son, Alex hissed, "Be quiet, Jon." The man shifted his weight, distributing it equally among his feet before taking a step forward to rest a firm hand against the scribe's shoulder. "Winter, what is wrong? This isn't like you."

"Alex, I-," Winter brought her drooping head to equal Alex's, taking a deep breath before swallowing a gulp of her spit, "There's something that I need to tell you. It's important. I-... I just am not sure how you're going to react to it, and quite frankly, I'm terrified."

"You know you can tell me anything; I don't bite." The Major offered a weak smile to relieve the growing tensions between them. He gave her a squeeze on the shoulder likewise, but his sympathetic intentions hardly scraped the surface of Winter's trials.

Despite his compassion, Winter wasn't feeling any better than she had before. "You might want to sit down for this, Alex. This will not be a discussion to take lightly, unfortunately." The woman moved her hand to point at an old, rickety wooden bench parked against the cement wall of an ammunition shop.

Obliging to her, the Major nodded his head, pacing to the bench with Jonathan following closely behind. Arriving only a second later, Winter sat next to Alex, the bench's steel brackets creaking as it adjusted to the added weight of her.

"Winter..., please just tell me what's going on." Alex couldn't stand the silence and secrecy any longer. The woman beside him lamented, bringing her hands to rub her face. Not knowing what to do, the Major pulled an arm around her, bringing the Scribe to his chest. Surprisingly, his warmth and familiar scent comforted her, but only for a minute. She knew this moment wasn't going to last forever.

After savoring his embrace for a moment longer, Winter knew she had to speak up, despite her wishes. It was, after all, the reason why she called this meeting. A secret meeting between an NCR Major and a measly Brotherhood Field Scribe. How ironic. "Alexander..." She croaked, burying her face against the man next to her. Catching her breath, the woman closed her eyes, "I'm with a child. _Your_ child."

Upon hearing the news, Alex's jaw dropped, and he cocked his head to look at her now obviously swollen abdomen. To her surprise, Jonathan too was attentively staring at her stomach as well, his expression a bit more priceless than his father's. She let out a soft chuckle, reaching to slide her hand under the Major's beret to feel his oily, thick hair. The moment was sweet and delicate, but wouldn't last much longer. _How could I do this to him? He's a married man, and I'm just an idiotic young woman who didn't know when to stop. Am I ready to be a mother? Do I even know how to take care of a child, let alone an infant? He's going to hate me for this._ "I'm being transferred to the Capital Wasteland to serve under Elder Lyons of the East Chapter; " the Scribe inhaled, "my transport is leaving tomorrow night. I don't know if I'll ever return to the Mojave Wasteland, at least not anytime soon. I'm sorry, Alexander."

Alex blinked, his face sinking into a glower. His world had become hopeful and meaningful in a matter of seconds, the familiar thrill of fatherhood still lingering within him as his world quickly crumbled by a quake powered by nothing more but disappointment only a few seconds later. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated, and he closed it, concealing those lost words forever within his brain. He didn't know what to say or do. 

With a sign, the Scribe removed herself from his embrace and pushed herself up. Knowing that the only way for this situation to get better was to leave and forget, her legs moved to escort her away from the man and his son. Within her tracks she stopped, her feet pushing sand up around her toes as she starred forward into the desert. _Don't do it, Winter._  She furrowed her eyebrows at her thoughts. _Don't look back. You've gone too far to turn back now. You've hurt him enough, and you're going to hurt your child if you don't leave on that transport tomorrow._ She shook her head, a headache now forming above her eyebrows, and then she did something stupid - she looked back. Her eyes locked onto his desolate, stiff face, and she studied the features she had fallen in love with only months prior. Despite the child barely being alive within the confines of her womb, Alexander looked as if he had just lost a child, and Jonathan a sibling, which in a way, they did lose them. She couldn't bear the sight of him nor his son for much longer, however. She took one last moment to admire him, her Major, and all of the wonderful things he had done to her. And with that, she snapped her head back into the desert, the warmth of the sun suddenly feeling so cold against her skin as she started to walk once more.

_It is time to start a new life, my dearest child._

 

 

 


	2. A Dire Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter obtains a new friend and she reunites with an old one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains violent/gory elements! If you do not wish to read such content, please skip over the last paragraph within the dream scene.

**Scribe Winter Fairbanks**

 

Winter's night was long and restless. His face, she couldn't unsee the pain and sadness in his eyes. Every time she closed her eyes throughout the night, she saw his desolate, cold face look back at her guiltily. It broke her heart, but in the end, she knew her choice was best for her, him, and their unborn child to remain safe and unharmed.

Pushing herself up, the Scribe slipped out of bed, her feet aching as they adjusted to the weight of her. Looking down at her belly with her tired eyes, her hands moved to gently feel the growing bump that encompassed her lower abdomen, her mind humming with thoughts about what was to come in their future. She rested for a few moments with her hands on her belly, closing her eyes as she imagined what the child would look like, her mind even going as far as to wonder what their personality may be.

A knock on the door brought her out of her trance, "Scribe Fairbanks. Are you almost ready to go? Your vertibird has been on standby for twenty minutes. We don't have all day to wait."

_Shit, did I oversleep?_ Winter looked at her unpacked suitcase and then back to her things that still littered the room. "Uh, just a minute, Sir. I'll be out in ten minutes."

A grunt at the door told her that she was in the clear. Turning to her dresser, she pulled out a worn pair of fatigues and slipped them on, her mind wondering how she still fit into them with the size of her. After dressing herself, she removed the other various pieces of clothing in the dresser, packing them as nicely as someone from the post-war could into her tacky suitcase. Next was her spare weapons, but she didn't have many, so it only took a second to pack. After that, she came to her paperwork, which, unfortunately, she did have a lot of, but she was luckily able to fit it all in the suitcase with some room to spare. Sighing, she looked at her nightstand for the finishing touch - a photograph of Alex in his usual NCR armor, but he had a smile - a smile that she'd miss dearly. Winter shook her head to clear her mind before grabbing the photograph and placing it on top of everything within the suitcase, closing the lid as she sealed her possessions with a zip.

Grabbing her suitcase, she approached the door cautiously, her feet coming to a halt as she turned her neck to look around the room one last time. Her eyes wandered to each crack and stain that she'd grown accustomed to, even the hole in the wall from when she'd pissed off an initiate who was trying to bed her. A part of her felt sad to know that everything she knew was about to change, but her mouth cracked into a smile at the old memories. With that, she turned the knob and waltzed into the stuffy hallway, and outside of the bunker into the blazing sun.

Sure enough, an old vertibird rested in the sand in front of the bunker, its propellers creaking as they turned with every gust of wind. The flying machine was a marvel to look at; it wasn't every day that someone could get the pleasure of riding within one of them due to the limited number of them in commission. The fresh coat of silver that shined brightly in the Mojave sun, as well as a sloppy white Brotherhood symbol plastered on a sliding door, told her that it was probably recently stolen from the Enclave, as most vertibirds usually are. Within the fuselage, a couple of other soldiers awaited her, some holding onto metal bars while others sat on the uncomfortable seats. Looking at their faces and helmets, she realized she didn't recognize any of them, but Winter figured that she'd get to know some of them during the duration of their trip.

"You must be Scribe Fairbanks, yes?" One of the soldiers in the front hopped out of the vertibird and approached her, his hand raising to signal that he was expecting her to shake his hand.

"Yes, sir, that would be me." Winter held out her hand as well and shook his, looking over the man in front of her; she determined he was probably no older than 30. "And you are?"

"Senior-Knight Willson is the name, and I will be the co-pilot of this transport." The man smiled at her before beckoning her to follow him, "If you'd accompany me, ma'am, I'll show you where you are assigned to sit."

Nodding her head, Winter obliged, following the Senior-Knight who was now pulling himself aboard. Once aboard, he extended his hand out to help her climb up. _Gosh, what a gentleman, this one._ With a smile at his kind actions, she grabbed his hand, and he heaved her aboard using his feet as an anchor against the 'bird to help him pull her up into the fuselage. He then pointed at an empty seat next to an older woman, and she flopped herself down as he undid the latch on the sliding door, shutting out the Mojave winds from the crew as the door slammed into the side, locking it in place.

"Alright, everyone. Take one of these headsets..." Senior-Knight William gestured to a crate on the ground that was full of headsets and then pointed back up at the one that rested atop his head, "Once these engines start, it's going to get loud. You'll need one if you'd like to understand a word I'm saying once we take off, so I suggest you take one." A few of the soldiers stood up and grabbed a headset, one of the younger lads being nice enough to get one for both Winter and the older woman next to her. William continued, "With that said, our transport will be leaving shortly. Due to our limited supply of fuel, we are able to stop a few times to fill the tank with backup fuel, but eventually, we'll have to make a full refueling stop in the Midwest chapter, so you'll be able to use the restroom and eat, or whatever you'd like while we refill the tank. If I must say, however, our allies in the Midwest are a little, how do I put it, odd. They, well, they accept ghouls and super mutant abominations within their ranks." The man's words prompted a few gasps out of some of her fellow brothers and sisters, but she didn't think much of it; sometimes even monsters can be the good guys. As she pulled on her headset, she heard William speak up once more, "We are now about to lift-off, so grab something to hold onto and get comfortable. We will arrive in the Midwest in about twelve hours. Ad Victoriam."

After a chorus of the soldiers pitched in for their legendary salute, the powerful propellers of the vertibird started to spin, sandy dust spitting up into the air around them. It was only a matter of seconds before Winter felt the 'bird lift off of the ground, the sudden feeling of weightlessness taking her breath away as she watched the desert move farther and farther away while the sun seemed to be coming closer, as if it wanted to envelop their transport in a warm hug provided by its rays.

"Beautiful, ain't it?" The croak of the old woman next to her awoke Winter from her trace, almost startling her.

Turning to look at the woman, Winter spoke, "Excuse me?"

"Senior-Scribe Moore." the older Scribe scratched her nose and sighed, "I'm getting too old for this. Should'a settled down with that one man when I had the chance, but my work was more important to me; I regret that now." Winter couldn't help but notice that the woman kept eyeing her lower abdomen as if she knew of her condition just by looking, which was fair because her pregnancy was starting to become more apparent, but nobody genuinely seemed to pay that much attention to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Moore." Winter nodded her head and looked down at her feet, her heart feeling some sympathy for the older woman, "Scribe Fairbanks. Say, why are you traveling to the East, anyway?"

"Oh, you know. I've been out here my whole life. All my friends and family are dead. I'm just not young anymore, and quite frankly, I don't think I can fight alongside my brothers and sisters anymore." The Senior-Scribe sighed, running a hand through her greying tangle of hair, "Not to mention my growing distaste for Elder Elijah... I sure hope this Elder Lyons is better than him. Heard he has a 16-year-old daughter, too, Sarah, I believe, so he can't be all too bad, right?"

"No, not at all. The East Chapter is surely a safer alternative for people like us." Winter gestured to her pregnancy bump and the older woman's frame, "No more hiding in that stuffy bunker, but instead fresh air and nonlethal sunshine inside the sanctuary of the Citadel. I've heard that the Citadel is a wonder to look at, but I've never seen it with my own eyes, only pictures - Mojave raised, too."

"Ah... the Citadel, used to be the Pentagon if you weren't aware." Leaning forward, the Senior-Scribe beckoned Winter closer, "If you want to know the real reason to why I'm transferring, I am going to be working on a pre-war warmongering robot called Liberty Prime. It'll be a challenge, but I'm glad to have this opportunity before I die in my sleep." Moore stifled out a chuckle before sitting back in her seat. Winter smiled, nodding her head to the older woman. She honestly didn't have much to say in response to that, so she just kept her mouth shut, and Moore didn't seem to mind much at all; the older woman was already passed out with her hat over her eyes. _Old people._

Without the rambles of the older woman, the ride had become a whole lot duller. Winter eyed a few of her peers, all of which seemed to not be in the mood for small talk, so she kept her eyes out the window, looking around at the desert that stretched below them. It was astonishing to see her homeland from an aerial perspective; it was a sight that undoubtedly rivaled anything she would've imagined from her dreams. As she rode along, her eyes started to become heavier with each passing cacti, and she eventually fell into a deep slumber to the sounds of the engine humming as they gracefully flew.

* * *

**Within the Realm of Dreams...**

 

_The moon. Winter looked up at it, turning her head as she tried to see the face that supposedly was on the moon. After realizing that she had no idea where it was, she sighed and turned around to face a monster in the moonlight. It was mean - leathery skin, glowing white eyes, blood-stained teeth, with scars and bites all over, and not to mention the shaggy strands of fur that still resided on certain parts of its body, basically screaming to be pulled out. The beast stood on its hindquarters as if it was striving to stand like a human, but Winter knew it was just trying to make itself look greater, nastier than her._

_She'd seen this creature before in her dreams; it was like a bad omen whenever he came. Or she. She wasn't sure of its gender, or if it even had one. To Winter, this beast was called Dire. Dire always came to visit her after she made an important decision; he was her only friend at times, and it seemed that he was making a reappearance to comfort her. Of course, Dire's way of comforting her wasn't the way most people would prefer to be relieved, including herself._

_With a sharp roar, Dire imprinted his front legs back into the muddy earth as droplets of water started to fall from the sky and onto her glasses, blurring her vision as she stood there, paralyzed. He approached her slowly with his snout vigilantly raised because he knew he'd won once more. The lips of his face curled upwards into a menacing smile, but Winter knew that wasn't the case, even if it looked like he was smiling at her evilly - he was just an animal, a bear for that matter. Bears don't smile purposely before executing an insidious deed, right?_

_Getting ahold of herself, Winter shook her head and started to run as fast as she could, but a soft cry behind her made her stop to turn around. She saw Dire, but this time, he was sitting on his hindquarters with something swaddled firmly to his chest. It was a baby, no younger than a few days old. Looking down, Winter noticed that she was no longer pregnant, and she saw the glint of green within the child's eyes. That was her child, her daughter to be precise, no doubt._

_Dire smiled once more as he carefully placed the baby to his side, a long, sinister claw coming to his lips to hush her cries. A cackle of thunder roared across the sky as the downpour became abundant, the little patches of fur on the beast now dripping with rainwater as the storm intensified. It didn't take long before the sky lit up with the flashes of lightning, only to light up the horrendous scene before her._

_"D-Dire..." Winter breathed heavily, her arm extending to point to the child, "Please, I...I don't understand what you're trying to say. I...I...I, uh, I only want my daughter, please? Is that too much to ask?" She shifted her now well-soaked boots, her eyes never moving away from Dire's stare. The familiar sting of tears gathered in her eyes as she winced at another eruption of thunder that reverberated throughout the sky. The Bear only shook his head, returning to the pads of his paws against the saturated terrain as he pawed over to her, his nostrils flaring and teeth glaring._

_It was only a matter of seconds before he and Winter were only a finger-length away from each other. She could feel the monster's hot breaths against her cold, wet skin. Winter tried her hardest not to breathe through her nose, but when she did, she regretted it almost immediately as the pungent aroma of death saturated her nostrils._ _Luckily enough for her, the suffering of her nostrils only lasted a few moments before she felt his hooked claws pierce through her abdomen like butter, opening her up as if she was expecting surgery. Gasping, the Scribe felt his claws scrape through her with ease. She was now being eaten alive. Her eyes watched as he tore tissue from her thighs and ate it so boldly, so willingly. It made her sick. Nevertheless, she didn't feel much from it, for, this type of interaction with Dire was the norm. She was aware now that she was in a dream. Tiredly, her eyes moved to look at the moon once more, just as her nightmare had begun, except now the cries of a child disturbed the eerie peacefulness of its glow as she awaited the rise of her beloved sun._


End file.
